


Nerves

by NowThatsDedication



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Baby Kíli, Overcoming Fear, Young Fíli, dURINS - Freeform, more tags to come, nervous Fili
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 23:50:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6775189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowThatsDedication/pseuds/NowThatsDedication
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone feels a little unsure sometimes, even Fíli. </p><p>This is how he finds his courage and confidence during several events in his life...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nerves

“Fíli! Fíli, where are you?”

Fíli watched the world go by from beneath his bed, and he was fine with that. It could go on without him today. He was not coming out.

He sat alone in his dark, chilly refuge, the only company being a few puffs of dust and a single sock. Yet it was familiar and calming, unlike what tomorrow morning would bring.

Even Kíli hadn’t been able to find him, but then again, hiding from Kíli was not difficult. “Fiiiliiiii?” his baby brother had searched, stumbling on his clumsy little legs, a tattered blanket trailing behind him.

Fíli considered inviting Kíli into his hideaway but chose to keep quiet. He wouldn't understand, he's too little. Not like Fíli - he was _of age_ now. And that meant expectations were to be met.

“Fíli?” His mother continued to call his name, a song-like quality to her voice, not scolding or frustrated. “Where are you?”

His sniffles gave him away.

Fíli was dragged out by his foot and there was nothing he could do about it. He accepted his defeat, only wishing he had hid himself better.

“There you are! What were you doing?” She dusted him off like a long-lost relic and sat him on her lap. He was still small enough for her to do so.

“Hiding?” Fíli wasn't sure how to respond. He didn't want to talk about the reason.

“Dwarves don’t hide under beds, especially one as brave as you, my little gem.”

He balked at the term of endearment. He wasn't a baby anymore, although he knew he wasn't acting very grown up.

“Will you tell me what is troubling you?”

Fíli wasn’t talking. His secrets were his.

“Did you do something bad?” She picked a cloud of dust from his hair.

He shook his head furiously. No mischief this time.

“Maybe I can cheer you up.”

No one would be able to calm his nerves and rid him of the hitch in his breath whenever he thought of _it_. He shook his head again.

“It wouldn't have to do with your lessons starting tomorrow, would it?”

Ah, she knew. She always figured it out. Fíli was an open book, to her. He blinked fast, “M-maybe?”

“They won’t be as bad as you imagine. You may actually like them.”

He had terrible notions of being forced to recite tomes worth of boring history, instructed to write until his fingers could no longer straighten. Ordered to carry the heaviest axes, climb higher than his feet could carry him. And the worst; disappointing his uncle. Disappointing everyone.

“Why do I have to? Can’t you teach me instead?”

“There is only so much I can! They will go easy on you. I understand, Fíli, I truly do. But we don't run away and hide when we are scared.”

“I’m not _scared_ , I’m…” he struggled to explain the twisting feeling in his stomach.

“Nervous?”

“Maybe,” he hesitated.

“That is fine too. It is normal to be nervous about new things. It is alright to have doubts and question your abilities. But I hope you won’t for long.”

“It’s silly, I know,” he sighed. But what if I don’t...if I can't...if I'm no _good_ at anything?”

“Don't say that! Have some courage, my gem!”

“But mama,” he scoffed, “courage is for battles. I know all the stories and how uncle-”

“Oh, Fíli, courage is more than battles! You need it every day. Some of the bravest deeds require no weapons.”

Fíli frowned. “Like what?”

“Like doing the right thing, even when it is frightening and you don’t want to,” she tapped his nose.

But how can you _have_ courage? It isn’t something you can see or hold. If you closed your eyes and concentrated really hard, what did it look like? Fíli didn’t know, or know where to find it. What do you have to do to be brave?

As if she could read his mind, his mother had an answer. “Hold on, I think I know what can help you.”

She returned a few minutes later with a big smile and something clutched in her fingers.

“Hold out your hand.”

Fíli obliged, confused. She placed a shiny bead into his palm. It looked familiar. Yes, he had seen it before, at the end of a long yellow braid. He held it up to his nose and crossed his eyes at it, inspecting the intricate patterns.

“This will be your courage. It is small, but that is all you really need. Just a tiny bit of it goes a long way. This belonged to your father, and so it is extra special.”

Fíli handled valuable objects before: coins, jewels, the few heirlooms salvaged from the Lonely Mountain and carried far, but never any as priceless as this.

“How do I use it?”

“However you need to,” she answered cryptically.

Fíli poked at it with his thumb, hoping to activate it somehow. He thought he felt a rush of strength, a spark. Yes, he decided. He did. He clenched his fist around it and squeezed. He imagined the courage radiating through his arm, then his chest and down to his legs until he was invincible.

She waited until she saw a smile, a real one, (and she could tell), before asking, “Do you feel better?”

Fíli nodded, still staring at the trinket. The awful paralyzing sensation had left him, due to his mother’s soothing words or perhaps from the bead itself. Either way, it was a relief.

“Good! Remember, my darling gem, you don’t have to be perfect and please everyone. It is not possible. Just do your best. You will do a fine job, Fíli. And if you don’t...I still love you. Always.”

She patted his back, kissed the top of his head, and left him with his own thoughts, which were good ones now. Thoughts of conquering his qualms about tomorrow, and the days after. Unlimited possibilities.

_I wonder what I can do with this?_

**Author's Note:**

> Up next: Fíli has reservations about Thorin's mission.


End file.
